See African Healing Dance video
My ability to draw and read was praised early in my life. For that I am extremely grateful.
When I was a very young child, I took a tap-dancing lesson. I remember how hard I practiced the routine at home. When I went back to the class, the teacher scolded me saying, "Well, it's obvious that this girl didn't practice our lesson."
When I was a child in grade school, I was given a test along with my schoolmates in order to assess my musical ability. I scored so low that, while other children were given instruments to play, I was given wooden rhythm sticks along with a few other low-scoring children, after which it was pointed out to me that was I unable to "keep a rhythm."
Around the same time, I tried out for the "Glee Club." Along with two other students, I was not allowed to sing in the "Glee Club." A few years later, I tried out again for a school singing group and was rejected.
In high school, during a folk dance class, the teacher said to me in exasperation, "I have never seen such an uncoordinated clod!"
When I was 18 years old and in college, I took a class called "Introduction To Music." I LOVED the class and spent hours in the music lab listening and learning. From knowing nothing at all about music, I went to knowing something about music but it was only enough to earn me a "D" grade in the class. After receiving the "D," I went to talk with the professor, explaining that I had entered the class knowing absolutely nothing about music, had loved the class and had learned a tremendous amount about music. I asked if he would reconsider the "D" grade. He said, "No. As far as I am concerned, you learned a "D" amount about music."
For most of my life, I have shied away from dancing, singing or playing musical instruments in front of other people, although I have enjoyed all three in solitude. I continue to enjoy dancing with the video, "African Healing Dance." Sometime around 2000, I bought a Suzuki keyboard and some piano instruction books for children and taught myself to play in a way that brings me much happiness.
I wonder how many people were discouraged from drawing, in the way I was discouraged from dancing, singing and playing a musical instrument.
I was not a child who had the self-esteem to rebel against being told that I would never be "good enough" in one way or another. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I began to rebel against my internalized messages that, with a few exceptions, I wasn't "good enough."
The old internalized "not good enough" messages are coming up as I experience my first days back in college at age 58. This time I am rebelling against those messages.
