We Shine

"Woman Turning Toward The Light" (gouache and watercolor and pastel on paper, by am, mid-1980s)

"Mandala #12" (colored pencil on paper, by am, work in progress -- June 23, 2015 -- started in mid-April, before cataract surgery -- I have new prescription glasses now and am grateful to have my drawing vision and energy back)



Shine

Oh let your little light shine
Let your little light shine
Shine on Wall Street and Vegas
Place your bets
Shine on the fishermen
With nothing in their nets
Shine on rising oceans and evaporating seas
Shine on our Frankenstein technologies
Shine on science
With its tunnel vision 
Shine on fertile farmland
Buried under subdivisions

Let your little light shine
Let your little light shine
Shine on the dazzling darkness
That restores us in deep sleep
Shine on what we throw away 
And what we keep

Shine on Reverend Pearson
Who threw away 
The vain old God
kept Dickens and Rembrandt and Beethoven
And fresh plowed sod
Shine on good earth, good air, good water
And a safe place 
For kids to play
Shine on bombs exploding
Half a mile away

Let your little light shine
Let your little light shine
Shine on world-wide traffic jams
Honking day and night
Shine on another asshole
Passing on the right!
Shine on the red light runners
Busy talking on their cell phones
Shine on the Catholic Church
And the prisons that it owns
Shine on all the Churches
They all love less and less
Shine on a hopeful girl 
In a dreamy dress

Let your little light shine
Let your little light shine
Shine on good humor
Shine on good will
Shine on lousy leadership
Licensed to kill
Shine on dying soldiers
In patriotic pain
Shine on mass destruction
In some God's name!
Shine on the pioneers
Those seekers of mental health
Craving simplicity
They traveled inward
Past themselves...
May all their little lights shine 

© Joni Mitchell 2007; Crazy Crow Music 

A BIRTHDAY IN SEPTEMBER / REAL DIFFERENT

First it gets better.
Then it gets worse.
Then it gets real.
Then it gets different.
Then it gets real different.
(Anonymous)

Although I've been in recovery from eating disorders for twenty years, I don't take that for granted. I continue to celebrate two days from the first year of my recovery when I was 36 years old. Remembering those two days is crucial to my continuing recovery.

This is my first year of blogging, so some of you already know about my birthday in May which marks the last day I practiced bulimia in 1987.

September 26, 1987, was the day I realized that my eating disorder was triggered, in part, by refined sugar and alcohol and that if I wanted to be permanently free from bulimia, I would have to stop ingesting those substances. No one told me to do that. It was a decision I made based on experience, a pragmatic decision. It has proven to be the key to 20 years of recovery from a life-threatening disorder which is notoriously difficult to arrest.

What worked for me certainly isn't the standard protocol today when a person with an eating disorder receives treatment from the conventional medical community. In 1987, there were few, if any, treatment centers for eating disorders. I don't recall that medications were prescribed for people with eating disorders at that time.

My story is that I recovered without entering a treatment center or taking medication. I did join a support group which allowed me to find my own way in recovery along with other people who found their own way to live without using food as a drug. Very few people with whom I recovered refrained from alcohol and/or refined sugar, but that is what worked for me. I had a brief but significant relapse in November of 2005, a time when I began eating refined sugar (mainly in the form of chocolate) in a period of severe stress. I didn't go on to practice bulimia, but I did gain 8 pounds in a very short time and developed ocular rosacea from the chocolate. When I stopped eating refined sugar and chocolate, that was the end of the ocular rosacea as well as a return to my normal healthy weight. It is clear that, for me, refined sugar and chocolate are physically harmful. Otherwise, I would love to enjoy them along with everyone else. I have wonderful memories of foods I can no longer eat if I want to remain in good health.

Yesterday I received an email from iTunes announcing September 25, 2007, as the release date of the first album in ten years by Joni Mitchell. So, for my 20th birthday, I'm going to buy Joni Mitchell's new CD, Shine.

When I called the Fred Meyer store to ask if they had the new Joni Mitchell CD, I had to smile when the young female clerk said, "Is that Country or Rock?"




















The photo of Joni Mitchell from January 2007 was taken by Aaron Harris / Canadian Press.

The above gouache and watercolor painting on Arches watercolor paper is "Calendar Series: 28th Month (Return / The Turning Point)," painted by am in 1988 in the early days of my recovery.