Talking About What Is Not Broken

Early this morning we learned that a friend of ours, one who had struggled with alcoholism for many years and had tried with all his heart to stop drinking, died at home in his bed sometime early yesterday after having taken a cab to a grocery store the previous night so that he could buy some vodka and find some peace. He is not the first friend that I have lost as the result of alcoholism and won't be the last. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling out of sorts. I went down to Bellingham to look out at the water, not knowing that our friend had died. We are both fragile and indestructible, and the earth and the sky and the water share that with us.

This morning and always I want to honor our friend's life and that spirit in him, and in all of us, which is not broken. His kindness, his generosity, his gentleness, his courage, his perseverance, his love for his family and friends remain with us.

 

("Talking About What Is Not Broken," gouache and watercolor, 1989, by am. The paintings go side by side, but I was unable to figure out how to place them that way.)

My sister talking to a bunny on Easter morning

"... it could even be like a myth ..."

How many ways down have does a stroll of the man before you to call a man to him?
(Dashboard translation of a Dashboard translation of "How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?")

Storm The From Shelter:



When I woke up this morning, I could hear "Shelter From The Storm" in my mind.  What jumped out at me were the words, "If I could only turn back to the clock to when God and her were born."  A Zen question came to me.  Who is the mother of God and her?

Thank you to whomever turned back the clock of "Shelter From The Storm."

Bringing it all back to "Twas" and "Nalyd Bob."

Happy Birthday, John!

When I visited Yosemite Valley in early October of 2008, I turned around after reading a large sign that said that John Muir once stood on that spot, and I took the above photo.  Yosemite Valley is dear to my heart.  It has to be seen to be believed.  No photo can capture what it feels like to be in Yosemite Valley.

From the John Muir link above:

And just FYI, John Muir loved wilderness, but he was no misanthrope. He had many friends with whom he corresponded to regularly. And he was married with a wife and two children! Both girls accompanied their father on walks in the nearby hills of the family's Martinez, California ranch, and Muir named two of the area's peaks after them -- Mt. Wanda and Mt. Helen

Easter weekend meditation / Something of a Zen koan / Long before the sky would open

... And Jesus was a sailor

When he walked upon the water

And he spent a long time watching

From his lonely wooden tower

And when he knew for certain

Only drowning men could see him

He said, "All men will be sailors then

Until the sea shall free them"

But he himself was broken

Long before the sky would open

Forsaken, almost human

He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone

And you want to travel with him

And you want to travel blind

And you think maybe you'll trust him

For he's touched your perfect body with his mind ...

(Leonard Cohen, lyrics from "Suzanne")  

Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary.  It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.

(John Lennon)

... You don't need no passport

You don't need no visa

And you don't need to designate or emigrate

Before you can see Jesus ...

... You don't need no church house

And you don't need no temple

You don't need no rosary beads or them books to read

To see that you have fallen

If you open up your heart

You'll see he's right there

Always was and will be

He'll relieve you of your cares ...

(George Harrison, lyrics from "Awaiting On You All"-- 1970)

We don't ask for more cathedrals.  We don't ask for bigger churches or fine gifts.  ... We ask the Church to sacrifice with the people for social change, for justice, and for love of brother.  We don't ask for words. We ask for deeds.  We don't ask for paternalism. We ask for servanthood.

(Cesar Chavez -- Christian, farm worker, labor leader and civil rights activist -- speaking in 1968)

If we are wrong, Jesus of Nazareth was merely a utopian dreamer that never came down to Earth.  If we are wrong, justice is a lie, love has no meaning.  And we are determined here in Montgomery to work and fight until justice runs down like water, and righteousness like a mighty stream.

(Martin Luther King, Jr., speaking in 1955)

Sweet silver angels over the sea

Please come down flying low for me

One time I trusted a stranger

'Cause I heard His sweet song

It was gently enticing me, there was something wrong

When I turned, He was gone

Blinding me, His song remains reminding me

He's a bandit and a heart breaker

My Jesus was a cross maker.

Sweet silver angels over the sea

Please come down flying low for me

He wages war with the devil with a pistol by His side

He's always chasing him out of windows

And He won't give him a place to hide

But he keeps His door open wide

Fighting him, He lights a lamp inviting him

He's a bandit and a heart breaker

My Jesus was a cross maker.

Yeah, Jesus was a cross maker.

(Warren Zevon sang "Jesus Was A Cross Maker," written by Judee Sill)

Martin Scorsese's Jesus in "The Last Temptation of Christ" was a cross maker:

Judas:  If you were me, could you betray your master?

Jesus:  No.  That's why God gave me the easier job -- to be crucified.

Vietnamese Zen Buddhist, Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a book called Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers.  

Although I was raised as a Christian (first in the Lutheran Church and then in the Episcopal Church), I stopped going to church when I was 18 years old.  From that time on, I have explored many religions and spiritual traditions and am grateful for their teachings, but I have not chosen to affiliate myself with any of them.  

I do find the story of Jesus to be a mysterious and compelling one -- something of a Zen koan -- and I continue to listen with all my heart when certain people talk about their understanding of and trust in Jesus.

"... just like you always smiled before ..."

(Cropped from a drawing by Allen Say from Emma's Rug)

Last night I dreamed that I standing in a small cozy kitchen at night. A young girl to the left of me at the kitchen table was drawing in pencil on a piece of drawing paper.  We were talking about the process of learning to draw.  Bob Dylan was sitting quietly and staring into space across the table to the right of me.  I was saying that learning to draw is like learning to play the guitar and takes practice.  Bob Dylan looked up sharply, made eye contact with me and said with a quizzical smile, "Uh, yeah."



Monologue by Bob Dylan from the early 1960s:

“First time I ever worked in East Orange, New Jersey.

Folks never go to East Orange, New Jersey; it’s a horrible town. I went there to play in a coffee house in East Orange, New Jersey. It was a chess playing coffee house out there. It was so bad…uh…so bad, people playing chess out there. Uh…that’s all they thought about out there was chess and chess and chess. People come up to me, you play your song, you play you a real quiet song. In the middle of the song you hear “Check”, [female laughter in background] And “Hey, that was a good move” and all kinds of stuff like that.

Hey folks it was so bad I had a little dream out there the first night I worked about this chess playing stuff. I dreamed I went to work out in East Orange, New Jersey, and, uh, about time I quit in two days I went there to ask the guy for my money. I says, “Can I have some money, I worked two days for ya?” He says, “Uh… Well OK, we don’t pay you money around here though” I says “Uh, yeah?” He says “Well” he says, uh, ”Yeah, we pay ya chess men”, I said “Uh, well give me my chess men then, I worked two days”. I sort of…didn’t really figure, I thought he was lying at first, but I took it anyway. He gave me a king and a queen for working two days. I said “Fine, that’s OK”.

So I took my king and queen and went down to a bar, nearest bar I could find. I walked in the bar and I ordered a pint. I… I got on the bar, “Bartender”, I says “Can I have a pint?” I’ll be damned if he didn’t give me a pint. He asked me for the money. I gave him my king and queen. I’ll be damned, you know he took that king and queen, threw it under the counter, and brought me out four pawns, two bishops, and a rook for change.

That’s a little story about East Orange, New Jersey.”

Now let's listen to the frogs singing in the night:

Prayer

A song written by Warren Zevon and sung by Jill Sobule.

With Gratitude To A Person With Questions And A Sense Of Humor

Talking Late Afternoon Light with Rainbow and Great Spirit

A Lummi friend told me about this website some time ago, and just recently I have subscribed to their daily meditations for elders via email:

Elder's Meditation of the Day April 9
"Everything really is equal. The Creator doesn't look at me any better than He looks at the trees. We're all the same."
--Janice Sundown Hattet, SENECA
Sometimes humans think we are the center of the Universe. Sometimes we think we are above or better than other people or things. The Great Spirit made a set of Laws and Principles by which all things should live. Everybody and everything lives by the same Laws. We are all made of atoms just like the trees. The life force in the middle of the atom is the life force of the Great Mystery. It is the same for everything. We are all equal in the eyes of the Creator.

Great Spirit, today, I will respect your handiwork.

Common sense and a sense of humor needed

Above is "Typists," a painting in gouache from 1966, by Jacob Lawrence.  I've attached a copy of that painting to the drawer on my work desk.  Jacob Lawrence captured the essence and dignity of the nature of the demanding work many of us now do on computers.

I've started working on an online refresher course so that I can find work later this year.  Although the refresher course will be the equivalent of a full-time job, I plan to continue to volunteer one afternoon a week helping take care of babies in the daycare.  The babies inspire me.  I love them.  I like the freedom that volunteering gives me to just be there for the babies and to help the early childhood educators in whatever ways I can.

Funny to think that the only way I've been able to make a living for any length of time is by typing, and that when I took typing in high school in 1966, it was all I could do to get a "D" grade.

Deja vu.  Pretty scary. With Oboe by my side, I'm going to give typing and editing medical reports at home another try.  One day at a time.  I am good at what I do, but I have let PTSD overwhelm me again and again.  Next time I feel like quitting, I'll think twice and get help to put things in perspective. At my age, I'm not going to get many more chances.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds.  A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

(William James)

Talking Cricket During The First Days of Spring

Jiminy Cricket was billed as "the only conscience with a sense of humor."




Funny how the mind works.  I looked at Jiminy Cricket's top hat and thought of this:



Coincidence? On March 28, 2007, on his Theme Time Radio Hour, Bob Dylan played "I'm No Fool," by Jiminy Cricket:

Chop the water
Pump the hay
Shoe the eggs
Water the pump
Butter the cow
Water the milk
Churn the horse
Milk the grain
Sow the shoe
Pitch the field
Water the plow
Chop the eggs



which reminded me of this:

It is spring again.  The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.
(Rainer Maria Rilke)

Flowering Quince Meditation

 


















Inspired by The Solitary Walker.

Something I can say in black and white and grey

Perhaps the truth depends upon a walk around the lake.

(Wallace Stevens)

A human being has so many skins inside, covering the depths of the heart.  We know so many things, but we don't know ourselves!  Why, thirty or forty skins or hides, as thick and hard as an ox's or a bear's, cover the soul.  Go into your own ground and learn to know yourself there.
(Meister Eckhart)

Rainy March Day / Black and White and Grey

When I looked outside at the rain falling on Scudder Pond a little while ago, I noticed that there was a curious dividing line of dark and light on the water.

I came to a high place of darkness and light.
A dividing line ran through the center of town.
(Bob Dylan, lyrics from "Isis")

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. 

(Irish Proverb)

Mol an óige agus tiocfaidh sí.  

(Irish for "Praise the young and they will blossom")

Everything was grist to the Mind’s mill; therefore they destroyed nothing.  Neither did they foster anything.  They seem not to have interfered in any way with any other species.

Metals and other raw materials needed for their physical plants and technical  experimentation were mined by their robot extensions in poisoned areas or on the Moon and other planets; this exploitation seems to have been as careful as it was efficient.

The City had no relation to plant life at all, except as it was the subject of their observation,  a source of data.  Their relation to the animal world was similarly restricted.  Their relation to the human species was similarly restricted, with one exception:  communication, the two-way exchange of information.

(Ursula K. Le Guin, writing about the "City of Mind" in Always Coming Home)

When I saw this video recently, I thought of the "City of Mind":



Love takes up where knowledge leaves off. 

(St. Thomas Aquinas) 

My Dad and Barney Google

My father was Norwegian and German, not Irish.  My DNA shows that I am 13% Irish.  He died of congestive heart failure at age 89 on St. Patrick's Day in 2003. While looking for an image with which to honor him today, I came across the above photo among his slides that had been transferred to a computer disk.  I don't recall ever seeing this particular photo before.  I thought I had looked closely at all of his old photos.  Odd how everything is tilted.  My father and I had a difficult relationship, although I know he was very proud of me.  I am his firstborn daughter and was named after his mother.  I am the only daughter who inherited his blue eyes.  Like him, I needed glasses beginning in grade school.  In many ways I was unlike him, and there was conflict. When I was very young and playing on the floor, I heard him say proudly, "She is going to be a lawyer like her grandfather."  I thought to myself, "I won't be a lawyer."

He was fond of these words:

"This the day the Lord has made.  Rejoice and be glad in it."

He said that the best movie he ever saw was "The Ten Commandments," with Charlton Heston.  

He loved gardening and archeology and playing Solitaire and traveling and good food and baseball and puns and Snoopy.  He loved his wife and his daughters and our dog, Star.  He was proud of the work he did as a systems analyst for Chevron.

I just remembered that he used to sing this song which he must have first heard as a 9-year-old boy:

He sang this song, too, from that same era:

When I remember my father singing these songs from his childhood, I feel some peace in connection with him.  I hope he found some peace in connection with me.  

I am grateful that my last visit with him was a good one.  I lit a candle for him today.  

Totem Pole / No self and No not-self

I'm just average, common too
I'm just like him, the same as you
I'm everybody's brother and son
I ain't no different from anyone
It ain't no use a-talking to me
It's just the same as talking to you

I was shadow-boxing earlier in the day
I figured I was ready for Cassius Clay
I said, "Fee, fie, fo, fum,
Cassius Clay, here I come
26, 27, 28, 29, I'm gonna make your face look just like mine
Five, four, three, two, one,
Cassius Clay you'd better run
99, 100, 101, 102, your ma won't even recognize you
14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, gonna knock him clean right out of his spleen ...
-- Bob Dylan, from 1964, "I Shall Be Free No. 10"



A sage has no self, yet there is nothing that is not himself.
-- Shih-T'ou (700-790)

"... bright shining like the sun ..."

Listen to Odetta sing:

Survival Prayer / Talking About Raven

"Survival Prayer"

Recently I discovered and bought a copy of this splendid film directed by Benjamin Greené.  I'm not sure, but my guess is that he grew up here in Bellingham, Washington.

From his website:

"Benjamin Greené studied Neuroscience at Oberlin College and co-directed a documentary about the struggle for shelter and community in post-Katrina New Orleans.  After college, he spent two years in a brain-imaging laboratory before leaving academia to pursue filmmaking.  He went on to co-direct Bury Me in Redwood Country about the tallest and largest trees on the planet.  Survival Prayer is his solo directorial debut.  Benjamin is a 2012 graduate of Werner Herzog's Rogue Film School and an IFP Fellow participating in the Independent Filmmaker Labs.  He loves the process of turning ideas into films, leaning into the light, actualizing dreams."

(Gouache and watercolor, "Spectrum Series:  Green," painted in spring of 2007 by am)

"Yas" and Talking 37th Dream with Rainbow and Two Birds

The above photo and video were taken from my porch early in the morning this last Wednesday. We've had snow on the ground for about a week now.

Yesterday afternoon, despite another snow warning, I drove across town to visit a new friend who weaves story blankets.  When I arrived, she was sitting and talking with a friend of her husband.  I sat down at the kitchen table and joined in the conversation.  Her husband's friend is Navajo, and it turned out that he is a fluent speaker of the Navajo language.  My friend is a retired teacher of English to non-English speakers.  We were talking about the light snowfall, and the Navajo man told us the word for snow.  I asked him for the word for "stars" and "moon." I was moved by the beauty of the words but found it difficult to pronounce them correctly.  The Navajo man said that he had once known some of the Crow language, but that was long ago.  After a little while, the Navajo man left on his bike, and my friend and I continued to talk, and she showed me her beautiful story blankets.  Her husband arrived home some time later as it was snowing harder and getting dark.  He said that the roads were still clear.  The snow turned to rain sometime last night, but the air is still cold, and there is still snow on the ground.

Early this morning I found a splendid website with pronunciations of Navajo words and phrases.  I found this video about the Navajo word for "rainbow":

If you look closely at the photo above, taken from my porch this afternoon,  you will see at least two birds.  

Yoga with the Camera and the Birds

The photos were taken during my morning yoga practice a few days ago.  For the last few weeks, because I was not feeling well, I did not spend any time on my yoga mat.  It felt good to be back on my yoga mat. While I was performing the asanas, the sun was rising, and I was unable to resist interrupting the asana practice in order to grab my camera from the table and take some photographs while standing on the yoga mat. The second photo was taken through one of my windows, using the zoom function.  I resumed my yoga practice.  Then the moment came when I couldn't resist leaving the yoga mat and going out on my porch to take some black and white photos.  This is the best of those photos:

Again I returned to the yoga mat, but soon a flock of bushtits arrived, and their wings were illuminated by the rising sun.  Once again, I reached for my camera as I stood on the yoga mat:

If you turn the sound up, you will hear something from "Chants of India," by Ravi Shankar and George Harrison.  My camera is part of my yoga practice this time of year when it is light enough in the early morning to see outside.  There is more and more early morning birdsong as spring approaches.