Sunday, July 8, 2012

Looking at the sun shining in and thinking about what I eat and what the world eats

Take a look here.

This summer I'm eating generous amounts of a wide variety of delicious vegetables (including lots of fresh ginger root) and fresh salmon.  I've been cooking up a rich broth from salmon scraps and creating delicious soups full of vegetables and salmon.  I've been introduced to coconut flour and coconut oil recently and am enjoying them, too.  For me, food is one of life's pleasures.  It didn't used to be that way.  Learning to live in peace with food and with life has been an ongoing process for me.

 Here is some of my story from past blog posts.

I took this photo with a self-timer when I was 34 years old and had been actively bulimic since I was 17 years old.  Next to me is one of my paintings, "Woman Trying to Remember What She is Trying to Forget."

This is a photo taken at the Mt. Baker Ski Area when I was almost 36 years old.  My lowest adult weight was 10 pounds below this.  At the time, this photo was taken, I was still hoping to lose 10 more pounds.  People were beginning to comment on my weight loss in a concerned way.

There are no photos of me at my lowest weight.  That was in the spring of 1970.  I was 20 years old.  At my lowest weight, my goal was still to lose 10 more pounds.

Last fall, I discovered a world-wide community of bloggers who have had many of the experiences I had and survived to tell their stories.  I am deeply grateful for these blogs.  

If any of my readers have friends or family suffering from eating disorders, my hope is that they, too, find healing in this supportive community or in whatever way works for them.

Thank you, in particular, to the writers of these blogs that I have been reading since last fall:

and this new one:


Anonymous said...

I love the photo you took of yourself with your painting. Well done!

We're eating food from the garden lately. Last night we had our first new potatoes. It always delights us when all the veggies on our plate come from our yard.

am said...

Loved seeing roger's list of all the vegetables in your garden and seeing the photos of your garden. Such abundance!

About the photo. Thank you. During those years of bulimia and self-loathing, I was always trying to photograph myself in a way that didn't make me cringe when I looked at myself. I never really succeeded, to my way of thinking back then, but now I am grateful that I made those self-portraits and can see my younger confused and suffering self with compassion and love.

bev said...

It sounds like you have been eating well, am. It's so important to look after ourselves, but so easy to neglect eating good meals. So inspiring when we have good ingredients!

am said...

Bellingham is a wonderful place to buy fresh produce and seafood as well as a great place for growing one's own food. Simple, delicious, easy-to-prepare food works best for me.

I've been wondering about your summer in Round Hill, guessing that your life is full with working on your house and exploring with Sage.

Kath (My Funny Little Life) said...

Hi AM! I just found your blog through Gel's new one, and I'm totally surprised to find that you've been reading mine since fall! I had no idea! And I'm also surprised you find my blog helpful because I don't write so much explicitly about ED recovery ... but probably there's more between the lines than I'm aware of myself. :) Happy I've found you now! :D

Kath (My Funny Little Life) said...

??? Did my comment get through?

am said...

Kath -- Your comment about Oboe disappeared. I'm hoping it will reappear :D :D :D

I discovered your blog at NIcole's blog. Now that I think about it, you don't explicitly write about ED recovery. It is your piano playing, your paleo eating experiences, your philosophy and your drawings that inspire me. My blog isn't specifically about eating disorders, but they are a part of my full life that I write about occasionally.

Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment!

am said...

Kath -- Now I see (-:

The Oboe comment showed up on the previous post.

This is where Oboe's name came from:

bev said...

Hi am,

Our summer here at Round Hill hs had a very diffrent feel than in the past. For two summers, I was propelled by anger and sadness - in the same way that my travels have also been driven. Sadness at losing Don, and intense anger at cancer for what it did to both Don and my father. Alongside these feelings, there has been a quiet contemplativeness that has allowed me to write and make art, but it is almost like to people in one body - perhaps with the contemplative one wandering along letting the sad-angry one choose the route.

This year, my mood has been quite different. I am definitely in a happier place in spite of losing Sabrina at the end of May. I have not been driving myself in the crazy way that I was - when I would leap out of bed at dawn and work like a slave until dark. Instead, I have been working in the vegetable garden I put in at the neighbours' as they can't manage one anymore, and going for long walks with Sage. I spend quite a bit of time with my neighbours, doing things over there. Yesterday was pruning back hedge roses. work on the house has crawled to a snail's pace - the only project I have been working on has been scraping and varnishing the old hardwood floors on the first floor and just keeping the lawns mowed and maintaining the flower garden I put in. I'm actually okay with all of this as I don't feel that I ever let myself feel how it is to 'live' here in the old house. I never gave myself time to go off exploring down the old railway line, or the many country lanes leading out from this little hamlet. And in all of this, there has been the fiddle playing, which is a new thing for me. I love it and p,ay for one to two hours each day - that and some mandolin. It has had such a calming effect on my mind. Sage and I are gradually settling into a new relationship. Things felt strange for awhile after Sabrina's death - like there was a hole in the middle between us. However, as the weeks pass, we are started to feel more whole again - like two parts of a circle instead of two corners of a triangle. I looke forward to my autumn trip and have already begun planning for that. all in all, I am happy to be moving into a new space.
Probably more answer than you were expecting, but this is the best explanation I can give for what has been happening here this summer. Thank you for asking, am. Take care.

faithandmeow said...

Hello AM - I'm so glad to be reading your blog, and that you have found mine. The support in our little community is mostly such a gift. I've gained so much insight and support here.
You have been to hell and back and it's amazing you are still here. Truly a survivor. I relate to you a lot too. And I can't take photos without cringing at myself either. And yet you are fine.
I've read this what the world eats before - it's fascinating isn't it! Very eye opening.
Looking forward to reading more xxx

faithandmeow said...

I'm not sure my comment got through either! Hope it did xxx

Unknown said...

Great post, am!!!

Kath (My Funny Little Life) said...

:) :) :)