Tuesday, December 9, 2008


"The essence of finding meaning in the future is not to forget my past, as I have been told, but instead to embrace my past. For it is in listening to the music of the past that I can sing in the present and dance into the future."
(from UNDERSTANDING YOUR GRIEF, by Alan Woldfelt, Ph.D., p. 92)

Last night I dreamed that R came home from the war. With him was a friend he had served with in Vietnam. His friend was from the American Southeast and had a face shaped like the moon. He looked like one of the prisoners from "O, Brother Where Art Thou?" R's friend laughed easily. R was quiet and serious. I was staying with friends in a house near a river. R and I hugged and kissed each other. R said, "You were always here for me. Thank you." That was the last time I saw him in the dream. As I sat by the river with my friends, I began to understand that R was telling me that his death was near, that he was not afraid and didn't want me to be afraid either. Just before I woke up, I stretched my legs out so that I could feel the river's current. I thought, "Where is R? I want him to see this beautiful river." It seemed that he wasn't far away.

Last year in December, I posted the above photo of me in a variation of the Yoga pose called Natarajasana or the King of the Dancers pose. Today I'm going to use some of my credits at Yoga Northwest and sign up for a Restorative Yoga class which meets on Sunday evenings. I miss practicing yoga with a teacher and with other people.

On Thanksgiving, my "ClustrMap" was archived, and all the red dots were removed. Here is a list of visitors since then. I'm curious to know how people from all over the world happen to visit my blog.

United States (US) 122
United Kingdom (GB) 11
Canada (CA) 10
Turkey (TR) 2
Australia (AU) 2
India (IN) 2
Germany (DE) 2
Lithuania (LT) 1
Russian Federation (RU) 1
Sweden (SE) 1
Denmark (DK) 1
Sri Lanka (LK) 1
Europe (EU) 1
Philippines (PH) 1
Saudi Arabia (SA) 1
China (CN) 1
Switzerland (CH) 1
Czech Republic (CZ) 1

Next to my front door, before dawn this morning:

Remembering John Lennon (1940-1980) today:

Instant Karma

"We all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun."

Stand By Me


Dawn said...

happy 2nd birthday to your blog.
I would love a yoga class, wish there was one in town still, good for you for signing up!
it is good for you to take care of yourself.

am said...

Dawn -- Thank you for the blog birthday greetings!

Zhoen said...

Strong pose.

I don't know of a woman so haunted as you are.

am said...

Zhoen -- Haunted. Yes. That's a chilling word. I just looked it up and found its etymology:

OE hamettan, to domicile, deriv. of ham, HOME.

As I tell these stories and dreams from my memory, I can see the ghosts of RTN and me in my "home" more clearly. Healing takes place each time I know that another person hears what I am saying and can reflect it back to me. My physical and emotional health is returning after all these years. Until the fall of 2007, I was not able to do Natarajasana. That photo documented a breakthrough. I couldn't hold the pose for very long, but the fact that I could hold it at all was exhilarating. I laughed out loud in delight!

healing -- n. 3. the act or process of regaining health. [ME hele(n), OE haelen (c. D helen, G heilen, Icel heila, Goth haijan), deriv, of hal HALE, WHOLE]

The true end of a war is the rebirth of life;
the right to die peacefully in your own bed.
The true end of war is the end of fear;
the true end of war is the return of laughter.
(Alfredo Molano)

The Solitary Walker said...

Love your comment above in total - and your reflection about healing in particular.

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